Does anyone remember the movie where the girl from Star Wars has a baby in WalMart? That was a weird movie. I can’t remember much of it, except that it seemed that bad things kept happening to these people over and over again – bizarre things, like when the husband who beat the best friend ended up drunk on the train tracks and got ran over by the train, cutting off his legs. See what I meant when I said bizarre? Anyway – don’t go out and rent it – that’s not my point. What I am trying to say is that we have all had one of those days. You know – the one where everything that possibly can go wrong, does go wrong. You will all have to forgive me for telling you about a day long gone, but my mother has told me over and over that I need to write that day’s happenings down and so here it is.
I know most of you are freezing right now. That is unless you’re here with me in Arizona. It’s 63 and sunny right now, but let’s go back a few months; seven to be exact. July 18, 2007 was a hot one here in Gilbert, but it was hotter in Lake Havasu City. I know - I was there. It was 114 degrees outside. Now that is hot by anyone’s standards. Just so you know the high temp for the day is measured in the shade. Weatherman Bill Bellis told me that. He also said that it is generally ten degrees hotter in the sun. So I’ll cut to the chase…July 18th was a scorcher.
In our school district, school is semi-year round. Alexia only has seven and a half weeks off for the summer break. We had partied hard and vacationed most of June away and I was hankering to get out of town one last time before she started back at school the next week. Darren had an overnight work trip scheduled in Havasu and the hotel was being paid for by his employer so I thought it was the perfect opportunity to spend a day cooling off in the hotel pool. Ratatouille was in the theaters at the time and I thought it would be fun to take the kids to a matinee while we waited for dad to finish for the day. We were set…or so I thought.
July 17th I spent the morning gathering things for the big trip. (That’s my job…I’m the stuff gatherer and the stuff puter-awayer. This describes most of what I do all day.) We left at about 1:45 pm. Darren needed to be there by 5. Lake Havasu is three and a half hours away. You do the math. About 45 miles from our destination pretty red and blue lights start flashing in the rear view mirror. Hmmm…this may be a bad start to our mini-vacation. Just so you know the town of Parker, Arizona was looking to beef up the town revenue… (…big time – but that is a whole different story that would require permission from the hubby to tell.) Darren dropped us off at the hotel and went to work. When he got back we got some food and he worked late that night in the hotel while the two big kids and I went to the swimming pool. There may have been some light grumbling here and there but we made it to bed time eventually.
The next morning Darren took Alexia down to the breakfast lounge while I gave the boys a few more minutes in bed. When he got back we decided that he would drive himself to the job site and then come back at lunch and give me the car so that I could get the kids to the movie. We had requested a late check out at 2pm which would work out great because our movie started at 2pm as well.
Darren left and I took the three hooligans down to breakfast. I did bring a stroller down for Elijah but you try filling three plates, getting three cups of juice and pushing a stroller all at the same time. Fortunately Lexi is the best kind of help. “Sweetheart can you take Lijah to a table? Pick one with enough chairs for all of us.” Well, if you are six, then you pick the first one you see. She did…it was the one closest to the breakfast bar. Umm…right next to the coffee bar. The one that puts us front and center for all the action and puts Elijah’s stroller in the middle of the walkway. This is perfect for my little “people watcher” Lexi – not so perfect for her “trying not to make any kind of scene in a public place” mother. Lexi decided she was still hungry and went to make a plate of her own. I went to work cutting Parker’s eggs and feeding Elijah dry cheerios from a bowl. I must have been paying too much attention to the eggs because the next thing I knew it began raining cheerios. Lije grabbed at the bowl and caught the edge just right. It flipped up into the air and dumped its rolling contents all over the table, us, and the floor just as a huge group entered the lounge. He started crying over the lost cereal. I started gathering them back into the bowl. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. That is the sound of all those people stepping on the cheerios on the floor. A guy from the pool last night walks by and says, “What sounds good for breakfast? I think I’ll have cheerios!” He thinks he’s funny…he’s not. Lexi is back and I send her and Parks to the floor to pick them up. All of the sudden Parker’s head pops up. “Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom…BAD!” I could see the doors to the public restroom just out of the lounge area. What to do, what to do. Baby is crying, people are crunching, food is cooling, little boy is holding and dancing, mom is starting to sweat. “Lexi, the girl’s bathroom is right there. See it? Mom is going to finish cleaning up the cheerios and feed Lijah the egg on your plate. {whine, moan, groan} Please take Parker to the bathroom and come right back. I can see the bathroom so come straight back okay? You can get a new plate after you get back.” They went, I cleaned, he ate, they came back. “Did you wash your hands?” “Oops…I forgot.” Back they went, back they came. They finished eating. I sent Lexi to get me a yogurt. From the line she yells “Mom, can I have an orange for later?” Embarrassed by her volume level I tell her yes then remembering we don’t have any snacks for later I tell her to grab Parker an apple and another yogurt for Elijah. We look like we are homeless as we slink out of the lounge stuffing extra food into our pockets. I think they were glad to see us go.
Next on the agenda – pool time. We all changed into our swimming suits, grabbed our floaties, and headed outside. I told the kids that we could stay in the pool until the shade ran out. That turned out to be three hours. It was nice. It was calm. It was relaxing and uneventful. Well almost. About twenty minutes into it Lexi declared her need to go to the bathroom. We are all in the pool. I’m not particularly fond of myself in a bathing suit, so once in the pool I’m not getting out until we are done. “Alexia, do you see that door? If you open it the bathroom that you went to earlier is right there. I’m not coming with you though. Elijah, Parker and I are all soaking wet. And why didn’t you go when we all did up in the hotel room?” She tells me she can hold it. She doesn’t really feel like she has to go except when she is jumping in so she will just quit doing that. We swim lazily for another thirty minutes. “Okay I really need to go now.” She is holding herself. Panic is in her eyes. I told her to run for the bathroom. She stepped out. She lost control. She started to get back in the water and I yell, “No! Just sit down.” So she sat on the concrete and the splashes of water around her turned yellow. I think she actually sighed and relief replaced the panic in her eyes. I splashed water on her and then let her come back in. She and I kept splashing out water where she had been sitting and then I told the kids that when it came time to get out of the pool they were to climb out using the ladder and skip the stairs.
Two more hours pass. The shade leaves and then so do we. It’s bath time now. Rub a dub dub…three kids in the tub. Now they’re out…now they’re lotioned up and dressed…now the baby is asleep and the big kids are watching the Disney channel. Whew! This single mom vacationing is a lot of work. I packed up the kids’ suitcases so Darren could help me load them when he came and then lay down on the bed to catch my breath. It probably took too long but I eventually left instructions with the kids to be quiet and hopped in the shower. I took my time and while finishing up my cell phone rang. I shut off the water, grabbed a towel and the phone. It was Darren and he would be there in five minutes but couldn’t eat with us – he needed to get right back. I rushed to get dressed and we both grabbed a bag and a kid and headed downstairs to the van. The heat hits me as I walk outside and I may as well have not showered. I’m already sweatin’ like crazy. Did I mention I drive a black van…in Phoenix, Arizona? The car is hot, the kids are hot, the mom is hot, and when the mom is hot she is crabby too. It is a little after noon and I have about an hour to take Darren back, get something for the kids to eat and get back to the hotel with time to load up and check out. After dropping off Darren we drive around looking for fast food with a play center. We settled on Burger King. Remember how when the mom is hot she is crabby? So let it begin… It’s 124 degrees in the sun people and my blood isn’t as thin as the natives'. I have the AC blasting and I am right in front of it. The kids are dying and crying about the heat. It’s so hot my air conditioner is limping along. So as we pull into the parking lot I start my chant of “Hurry…hurry…come on…hurry…IT’S HOT! Get a move on!” and we head indoors. Burger King is a joy. It is cool. The kids are well behaved and happy. This makes mom happy. I’ve timed it all just right. We need to leave at 1:10 in order to make our movie and spend minimal time in the hot car. The time comes, we gather our things and we are out the door and into the van with the same chant as background music; “Hurry…hurry…come on…hurry…IT’S HOT! Get a move on!” with a few new elements added, “Lexi get in! What’s taking so long? Come on! HURRY!”
Okay everyone is in and buckled and on our way. We are out on the street when Alexia says, “Mom I can’t find my shoe.” Hmmm…can’t find the shoe. Well I know she had it as we walked out of Burger King. I could smell the plastic melting to the asphalt. “What do you mean you can’t find your shoe? Find it!” I’ve only brought her one pair of flip flops for the 1 ½ day mini vacation. We have no choice but to find that shoe. I’m camped in the suicide lane while she looks around the van. No shoe. But she thinks it dropped off when I was rushing her to get in the van. WHAT? Wasn’t that something she should have mentioned to me while we were still in the parking lot? I flip a U-ey and we head back to BK. There is my daughters flip flop in the middle of our parking spot. I ran out, started sweating and grabbed the shoe. Now we are late.
We rush back to the hotel and I park right next to the door. I grab the baby and tow the other two along and swipe my key card. {crickets chirping} …nothing… Swipe it again. Man it’s hot! I’m sweating again – oh wait I’m not sure I ever stopped. …nothing… I start grumbling and head toward the lobby which just happens to be on the completely opposite end of the hotel from where we are sleeping and where I parked. We make a run for it but come to another door first – swipe the key card. Yeah green light – we’re in! Now, head back to the other end and up to our room. Ah room 212 – swipe the key card – red light and again…nothing…. So back down the elevator and all the way across to the lobby.
“My husband requested a late check out and my key card isn’t working to our room.”
Okay let me fix that for you.
Now back to the room. It’s hot – oh did I mention that already? I want to make one trip, that’s all, to the van. Everything’s packed, check the bathroom and under the beds. Every one has their respective blankie, stuffed animal or pacifier? Good then…we’re outta here without a minute to spare.
It’s 1:55pm. The movie starts in five minutes. Good thing it’s a small town and I know where I’m going. How nice that there is a parking spot right up front. I grab the kids, stroller and head to the ticket booth.
“Three for Ratatouille please.”
“That will be $18.”
I hand him my debit card. “Oh we only take cash.” I looked right at that kid and said, “Are you serious?” I knew I only had two dollars cash in my purse. “Yeah but there’s an ATM right over there.” By right over there I assume he meant the ATM that was on the other end of the parking lot, five stores down. I headed out with the kids and the stroller. When I realized the wheels of the stroller were sticking to the parking lot I turned back and told Lexi to stand in the shade right by the ticket counter with her brothers and wait. Then I ran (yes ran because my children were unattended) across the parking lot, withdrew twenty bucks, and ran back. I’m sweating – I haven’t stopped sweating and I am getting crabbier by the second. Okay three for the 2 o'clock. We’re in. Next come the pleas for something to eat and drink. Did we not just come from Burger King an hour and a half ago? Please people – work with me. The theater had two doors. I pick the one on the left and go in and sit down. It’s dark and the previews have already started. I’ve lined up my two on one side of me and parked the baby stroller in the aisle. Movie theaters are supposed to be freezing. That’s the rule right? Someone should tell the folks in Havasu. This one was roasting and Lexi and I were fanning ourselves with my checkbook. People are looking at us funny. I can’t figure out why. As we settle in I think to myself, “There aren’t very many previews for animated movies…huh…weird for a kid movie.” Then the preview for the latest Die Hard gets started and I get to thinking, “Wow this is a long preview.” The kids love it though. All of the sudden a thought creeps into my mind and I tell Lexi I’ll be right back. I sneak out the theater and open the door on the right. Sure enough the animation was rolling. I had taken my kids into the theater showing Die Hard. Well that explains the looks. We sneak out, turn right, and sneak in. There is hardly anyone in the theater; some old people and a few kids - so there are plenty of seats left and we get some by an aisle. Now we’re really settled and after a half hour of the movie with Lexi saying she is thirsty and Parker saying he is hungry I realize that I’m thirsty as well. I now have $4 cash in my purse and if you have been to the movies anytime since 1975 you know that isn’t going to buy me much of anything. Well maybe they have one of those kid packs. “Lexi, mom will be right back. I’m taking Lijah. Don’t move.”
“Do you have kid combo packs?” The boy from the ticket counter looks at me like I am from Mars. Ummm…I take it thats a no then. “Okay I’ll take a Sprite – the biggest one $4 and the change scraped from the bottom of my purse will buy.” Turns out it is the extra large jumbo size. Elijah sees it and immediately wants some. “Could I please have a small cup that I can pour some of this into for him? Otherwise I’ll have a huge mess on my hands.” He hands me a teeny cup and goes back to talking to a coworker. I take the lid off jumbo sprite and pour it into the teeny cup and then all over the counter as well. Sheesh! What is wrong with me today? I grab napkins and try mopping it up. Movie boy finally stops talking to the female coworker and grabs a rag. I head back to the theater with sticky Sprite hands filled with jumbo cup o’ Sprite and teeny cup o’ Sprite while pushing Elijah’s stroller with my thighs. This is getting ridiculous. We manage to get back to our seats and I hand off the Sprite after taking a long drink. (I make it a habit to NEVER drink after Parker king of slobber.) The kids were pretty good after that. Elijah was a bit of a handful and in the middle diving for his sippy, Elly (the gray elephant he loves) and pacifier along with all of the grunts and groans to tell me he wanted more Sprite a grandma looking lady got up, looked at me and my brood and with a huff walked out. Oh, well excuse me for bringing three kids to a Disney movie in the middle of the day. Good riddance! We made it through the movie. Lexi carried out the rest of the Sprite and I carried out the boys. With the chant in the background we made it to the car and started out of the parking lot. The theater is on a hill and the parking lot on an incline. As soon as I stop at the stop sign at the bottom of the lot the 1/3 full Jumbo Sprite goes flying towards the front of the van, pops open and spills all over the rugs and my flip flop wearing feet. At this point Calm Cool Collected Trying to do Something Fun with my Kids Mom leaves and Screaming Banshee mom rears her ugly head. She doesn’t last long and is apologized for profusely but admit it…she lives in all of us.
Okay that’s over. We have an hour to kill before going to pick up Darren. Where to go in a town I’ve never been before? Just so you know, you do not take your children to a park in 124 degree in the sun kind of weather. You take them to………hum………Bashas! Okay yeah the grocery store. I can kill forty-five minutes to an hour in a grocery store. We walk in and right away everyone is hungry again. Well we did have to skip popcorn and it has been four hours since we last ate…donuts and juice everyone? The new Bashas stores have a little section of tables and chairs over by the bakery and that was non-existent at this very old Bashas so after buying our donuts and juice we sat on the bench at the front of the store and ate our snacks. Again, I felt like we looked homeless. People kept walking by and smiling in an embarrassed way at us. After everyone had finished we needed to wash up and so I asked a lady who worked there if they had a bathroom we could use.
“Oh yeah. If you go over by the bakery and deli you will see a short walkway leading to a lounge area with tables and chairs. Go through there and at the back is a bathroom.”
Am I a retard? Whatever….
We get cleaned up and I check my watch and see that it is 4:45pm. I have fifteen minutes of this dumb day left. I know we need gas and so I reach for my cell to call Darren and ask if he wants me to get it first or wait until after we pick him up. I reach for my cell…I reach for my cell…my cell…where is my cell phone? I dumped out my entire purse onto the table. There is no cell phone. The last time I can remember having it was when we dropped off Darren I put it on the front seat and put Elijah in the car seat…I don’t think it would have fallen out here…no not in Bashas. If it fell out it must be in the car, or Burger King, or the theater. Or maybe I left it in the hotel room and I imagined putting it in the car. Okay so out to the car we go for a thorough search in the black so hot wimpy air conditioner van. It’s not there. I decide to retrace my steps starting at the hotel. We have ten minutes until we need to pick up dad. Let’s head back there first and he can help at BK or the theater. Elijah falls asleep on the way over to the hotel. I park under their awning in the shade, leave the car running and run in to ask if they can check for a cell phone left in room 212 then run back out to the car while she checks. I give her five minutes then run back. “Unfortunately housekeeping would be the only people who could find out and know for sure if something was found and they leave at 5pm. You’ll need to call tomorrow.” It is 5:01pm. You’re kidding me right? No…I guess she’s not.
It’s time to go get Darren. We’re late but I am hoping he is too. Whew…he is. He came out, hopped in and we head to a gas station. “Darren, I lost my cell phone. I’ve been back to the hotel, but they can’t make sure it’s not there until tomorrow so after we go get gas we need to go to BK and if it’s not there, then the theater.”
“I know…. I tried to call you about fifteen minutes ago and when I did, my pocket rang.”
WHAT?
“I forgot that I picked it up and put it in my pocket because I was afraid you would leave it there at the hotel.” Hmmm.......how sweet…….sorta.
We ended up going to two different gas stations because at the first their VISA machines weren’t working. The second station wouldn’t take the card at the pump so I made Darren run in to pay. I couldn’t stand another delay. I had to get the heck out of Havasu. He came back carrying a load of cold bottled water and I put the pedal to the metal while Darren told me about his day. After about an hour of driving I looked down at the air conditioner controls. The temp dial was pointing at the half cold/half hot mark. (I am sure I have one of the boys to thank for that.) No wonder! I flipped it all the way to cold and ahhhhh………. that’s nice. After another half hour of driving we decided it was time to stop, stretch our legs and get something to eat. Subway was pretty much our only option. The kids hate Subway. Darren, being the sweetheart that he is told me he would take the kids and sit with them while I ordered. “Get me anything,” he says.
………I stood there for a loooooooonnnnnnnnnng time……….
I even let someone else go before me. I couldn’t get my brain to work. I asked the lady if there was mayo in the tuna. She looked at me like I was retarded. I didn’t even have the energy to explain the whole Parker allergy to Mayo vs. Miracle Whip. I started ordering and then stopped – then started again, then stopped. The lady behind me touched me on the arm and said, “Is it just because there are so many choices hon?” Maybe…choices…hmmmm…are you speaking to me? I just kept on ordering. I think by the time I was done I had spent $30 on cookies and chips with a few sandwiches sprinkled here and there. Everybody ate, everybody used the bathroom and everybody headed out to the van.
Darren said he would drive. Once on our way he asked me how my day went. I got really quiet. I told him I didn’t know how to answer that. I mean, I did all of the fun things with the kids that I had planned on doing. There was just so much that went wrong smeared all over in it though. I started telling him from the beginning and he couldn’t stop laughing. When I got to Subway he was like, “Why didn’t you tell me and I would have ordered. I thought I was doing you a favor keeping the kids away for a minute.”
It was a funny day and a weird day and a day I hope to never repeat. There you go mom.
I'm sort of embarrassed by the trailer trash look of my diaper only baby in this picture. I seriously debated leaving it off the blog. I soooo NEVER let the older two run around with just a diaper - ever. We once had some neighbors in Utah that left me wondering if they actually owned any clothes for their child. But for some reason with Lije, every once in a while I am too tired at the end of the day to chase him down. I figure I'll just hold onto the pajamas until the next time he runs past.
See those toes? See that view? That's proof that I was there doing nothing that required too much brain power or effort. Just laying on the beach. Ahhh....
