I Miss Parker!

Big time. Can we just rewind the past 5 years? Really - I want all of my moments with him back. I'd like to re-live them again. Please? PLEASE? Besides my afternoons are too quiet now. I need someone to tease and talk to while Elijah is sleeping. Someone to color and play UNO with. Parker honey, momma misses you.

You see, Parker came into this world big, strong, but weak too. He spent his first week of life in the NICU because he had difficulty breathing when he was born. I delivered him on a beautiful summer morning in a small hospital and so they had to transport him to a larger hospital with a NICU later that day. No way was I staying in one hospital while my baby was in another 30 minutes away. So I checked out, went home to get cleaned up and then went to find my baby. It would be two more days before I could hold him again. I spent every minute of that week with him that I possibly could, but strangely I have always felt like I was playing catch up with my time with Parker. I think because our relationship together started out so haphazardly I have always held on a little tighter to Parker. And I would put it out there that he has always held me back.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - Parker is my little love bug. My other two show love of course, but Parker loves intensely. He drops compliments the way other children drop toys. His hugs are big and total body experiences. Some of his friends (and dare I say their moms) are a little taken back by his "big squeezy hugs" as he calls them. Parker to this day will climb on my lap and let me sing Rock-a-Bye Baby. To spend a day with Parker means he will tell you he loves you 20 times and each time is just as genuine and sincere as the time before. I remember being in Old Navy shopping with him and while sifting through the piles on the tables he said to me, "Mom guess what?" What Parker? "I love you so much." That's nice Parker. A woman shopping across the table clicked her tongue and said "Oh that's so sweet." That got my attention. I looked up and realized that she wasn't taking for granted hearing his sweet words the way I was and I remember feeling a little sheepish. Could I have that small moment back? Can I re-live that and have the chance to drop the shirt I was looking at to bend down, look Parker in the eye and tell him I love him too?

Parker's first day of all day Kindergarten was July 28th. Good grief! Could he look any happier to be on his way? *sigh*

And like every good mom around here I walked him to school that first day and then right into his classroom and I had a hard time leaving - seriously - even though a certain new second grader was pulling on my arm telling me she was going to be late. And I knew after leaving the room when I realized that I had gotten the picture of him at his desk on his first day, but not a hug from him that he was busy letting go. Okay and typing that just filled my eyes. I knew then that it would never be the same for Parker and I. There is a new woman in Parker's life and she even rivals "Woren." Ms. Mendoza. That's the one. I remember being jealous of Lexi's Kindergarten teacher too. Having someone else be so important to him is kind of hard for me. I asked him tonight who he love the most, Mom or Ms. Mendoza...

And then I heard it...

...the heavy sound of HESITATION...

...and then...

"Both."

Oh my big baby boy - Wrong answer!

So then I went and asked Alexia who she loved the most, Mom or her teacher. "Of course you mom. That's a silly question!" Thank you baby girl... I think so too.